so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
