I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
