my phone needs a breathalizer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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