sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize