Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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