The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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