You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
