I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
