Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Alive.
So much puke
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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