i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
