The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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