non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
