my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
