I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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