Kiss
Puke
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk is not a location!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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