im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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