On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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