I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
zippers are such a cool invention
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
