ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
