just come out here and I will go home with you...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
