So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
its liver damage thursday
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