highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
