where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
