He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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