You're so nebulous sometimes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
