Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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