Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
