ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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