I'm so fucking centered right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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