I want to have your abortion
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
