She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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