i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That accounts for only three of the penises
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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