She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize