OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
