I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
