If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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