Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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