honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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