It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and she was petting her beer can
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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