Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
