Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
