Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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