Need sex. Gaining weight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
