In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
