dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
did i walk over a car last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
