I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
