How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
