it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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