So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
