Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
