I can tuck mytits in my pants
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
