Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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