Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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