I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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