sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
