I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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