Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
