I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
