I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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