20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
