why didn't you poke me back
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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