so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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