He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
