People with herpes should wear stickers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize