I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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