I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
