yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
