On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
