I bet he comes in French.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
